Not Getting the Role

Rejection stinks.  Failure may not be an option for some, but it certainly can feel like a regular at the local pub.  No one likes the feeling of being told "you're not good enough or you didn't get the part." Rejection is a funny thing: even though there is often a perfectly good explanation for the rejection, we tend to dwell and obsess over our ineptitude while failing to acknowledge the reality and finality of the situation.   There are many different manifestations of this reality: sometimes we are not right for the part. Sometimes someone else was a little (or a lot) better than us. Sometimes we don't fit the breakdown. Sometimes we give our best only to be told it isn't good enough. Sometimes we don't show up.  Sometimes we don't know the right people.  Sometimes we know the wrong people.  Sometimes, reality bites.  

Is it any wonder why so many actors burn out and give up on the craft? I would argue they give up and burn out not because of their talent or love for acting. Many give up because they haven't learned to manage the rejection and failure that comes with the business. At some point, failure befalls ALL of us. Here are three points to help us recalibrate our thoughts on failure and rejection.

1. Get THROUGH, don't give up.
I often work with people who share about a loss in their life.  Someone in their family has passed away and they begin to share their frustration with what some of their friends are sharing with them.  Their friends tell them to "get over it" after some time.  As if it were that easy.  I think this is just completely misguided.  We need to stop telling each other to get over things.  We need to tell them to "get through" the issue.  

Many actors are told to "give up" on acting or to just get over it.  It is not that simple.  We should be encouraging each other to get through the tumultuous acting business.  Getting through is harder.  Getting through implies that work must be done to remember the hard times while striving to move on with life.  We should spend more time getting through instead of giving up.  Giving up is tempting for sure, but getting through allows you to keep at something we love.  

2.  Rejection does not make you a reject.  Failure does not make you a failure.
Okay.  You didn't get the part. That's it. It certainly hurts. But it shouldn't hurt you to the point of giving up. Failure does not make you a failure. Rejection does not make you a reject.  We have to find ways to get through our trials. We all have a tendency to over analyze rejection a bit too far. Analysis is actually a good thing, if it leads to discovery and change. Analysis can be damaging if it leads to paralysis and more of the same. Learning to not let failure and rejection DEFINE us is crucial. We must ACCEPT that failure and rejection are a part of our lives and learn to MANAGE it properly.  

After each production of my play REACH, I sit down with the production team and 2-3 actors to evaluate the run.  We talk openly about what worked, what didn't work, what should stay and what should go.  We speak about the negatives and perceived failures (low turnout, poor marketing, skewed budgets, etc.) as well as the positives (the power of our message, audience response,  cast commitment, new connections made, etc).  Over my years as an actor, producer, director and teacher, I have learned that there are NO guarantees in this business.  We are not promised full houses, big breaks and lasting success.  My production staff and I have learned to MANAGE the low points along the way.  
     
Actors can apply this same evaluation principle after failure or rejection occurs.  After a failed audition, take some time to honestly evaluate why you are acting.  Don't spend all of your time focusing on the negatives.  Force yourself to focus on the positives and joys attributed to your acting.  This doesn't change the circumstances of your last audition.  But it can have a dramatically powerful affect on your future auditions.  Re-center your time, efforts and focus and make your next career decision with a more well-rounded approach.  You will realize that you are a complex human being with failures AND successes, peaks and valleys, good times and bad times.  The rejection and failures become a part of you, not the definition of you.  And then you can move on to the following point. 

3. Failure leads to learning, learning leads to knowledge, and knowledge leads to success. 
If we all got what you wanted all of the time, would we ever learn anything valuable?  If we got every part we auditioned for, would we really know what success was?  I would argue a strong no to both of these questions.  The reality of failure is that it shapes  us in ways that success cannot.  Failure and rejection are the most powerful elements of true change and learning.  

I got my first real bitter taste of failure during my first college audition.  It was 1998, I was fresh out of high school where I had tasted the sweet elixir of leading roles in "Little Shop of Horrors" and "Damn Yankees."  I thought I had this acting thing all under control.  Not even close.  I auditioned for the part of John Proctor in "The Crucible."  I prepped as I always did and thought I had it in the bag.  Once again, not even close.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to give John Proctor a mild British accent.  I took my mark downstage center, the house completely dark with the brightness of the stage lights blinding me from locating my auditors in the audience.  I began: " Dark have been my dreams of late, I can hardly shut my eyes without the guilt..." 

Immediately I heard a voice from the house (my future inspirational director Gretchen Weigel): "What are you doing?" I froze.  (I had never been interrupted before during one of my auditions).  I replied: "Um, I'm performing my monologue"   The voice continued: "Why on earth are you doing a British accent?  You do know this is an American play, right?" I had to have been as red as plush of the seats she was sitting on..."Um, yes.  I know that" I stammered.  "So please repeat it without the accent.  You may begin now."  I gathered myself, started over and finished.  I left the theatre devastated and completely at a loss for my brazen idiocy for applying an accent to the audition.  Needless to say, I never went into an audition with an accent except if it was mentioned in the breakdowns.  To be fair, I didn’t know that when I was a cocky 18 year old actor.  It took that failure to gain the knowledge about the use (or non-use) of accents in my auditions.

Unfortunately, most of us are afraid of failing anything.  So in turn, we don't learn as acutely as we could.  In turn, we don't seek out innovation and challenge.  Sadly, without innovation and challenges, success will remain further out of our reach.  If we can learn to assess and evaluate and accept our failure, we can begin to make the changes towards improvement via classes, training, or seminars.  Those classes, trainings and seminars build new knowledge, connect us to new people in the business, and stretch our beliefs about acting and life.  After this knowledge is acquired, success often follows. 

In closing, your life is not over when you fail.  Your career is not over when you face rejection.  Yes, in many ways a door in your life has been closed.  It makes no sense to sit there staring at that closed door.  It makes no sense to stay there frantically knocking at the door until they let you back in.  It would be crazy to blow that door open.  So what is the key to dealing with the closed door? 

Look for the next door.  Make decisions in your life that help you find the right doors and place yourself in positions that improve upon lessons learned from previous closed doors.  You'd be surprised what happens when you start focusing on the present, rather than the past or future.